Thursday, May 27, 2010

Law enforcement spouses as seen on TV- fact or fiction?

I love cop shows. Law and Order and all it's counterparts, NCIS, The Wire, and lately I've been watching a crime drama from Lifetime called Missing. Setting aside how it's obviously a Lifetime show since it makes the FBI look overflowing with women (who wear belly baring shirts and Jimmy Choos) the one thing I loved was how little it delved into the personal lives of the law enforcement involved.

My perception on things has changed greatly since marrying a man who works in Law Enforcement. To illustrate I present the following:
  • I used to love the movie Air Force One. I just watched it for the first time since I met Bill and all I could focus on was all the Secret Service Men who were shot and killed. And then I start thinking about their wives and families at home. Actually this happens with pretty much any movie that any type of officer is killed. I didn't used to notice.
  • I hate guns. I don't like to touch them, I never wanted one in my house. Now I sleep with a loaded gun beside the bed and I don't even think about it anymore. His brother was visiting last weekend and went to wake Bill up (who sleeps until 3pm on weekends if you let him), then came downstairs and was like "I can't believe you let him keep that thing right next to the bed." I can honestly say I had on some level forgotten it was there. When we have kids obviously it will not be kept like that but for now, there's no one that is going to accidentally shoot themselves since I don't touch it.
  • My awareness of what cops are actually like and what their spouses are like.
Which leads to my complete annoyance with how they portray law enforcement spouses (and for that matter perpetuate the stereotype that all cops cheat on their wives). There are a few things that I do know-
  1. most people who go into the law enforcement field do so because they have strong opinions of what is "right" and what is "wrong." While obviously there are dirty cops and those who do cheat on their wives out there, just as many of them are willing to skewer someone for it because it's wrong. Wrong is of great significance to them. While I am sure that Bill will probably be tempted at some point in his life and while he has plenty of time out of the house and long working hours when I don't always have any idea of where he is or when he'll get home I can honestly say that I fully believe he wouldn't actually cheat. If only because of the fact that is classified strongly as wrong in his mind. He is not alone on that one.
  2. In order to be the spouse of someone in law enforcement you have to realize that you will get lonely, you will shoulder a lot of the stuff in your home and if you have kids you will been in charge of a lot more of their care. That's just a fact. Their hours are not flexible, they don't have telecommuting options, they don't always know when they will be home so I present this handy checklist for you to decide if being a law enforcement spouse is really for you-
If you want someone who will be home every single day for dinner at 6pm, do not marry a cop. If you don't want to be doing load after load of laundry just so they don't have to do it at 1am after they worked a double and have to be back in to work at 7am, don't marry a cop. If you don't want to be the one who runs all the errands from bank runs, to the bulk of the grocery shopping, to waiting for the electrician, to taking kids to Dr. Appts, do not marry a cop. If you aren't able to push aside the fact that on any given day something may go very, very wrong and the reality of your night may be very different then your morning, do not marry a cop or you will spend the rest of your life as a ball of anxiety and stress (and miserable). If you can't deal with the fact that they can't and won't always talk to you about every aspect of their work day, don't marry a cop.

These are just common sense and the vast majority of us understand these facts- so why is it that EVERY SINGLE spouse is shown as insipid whiners? None of them, if they were being honest with themselves would have passed that checklist.  It's insulting. On Law and Order: SVU Stabler's wife constantly whined that he didn't help her enough, spend enough time with the kids, that he talks to his partner more than her and never tells her about his day. I am constantly talking to the tv saying, oh so he was supposed to ignore the raped 6 year old to go home and go grocery shopping? He's supposed to give you confidential info on a file just to tell you about his day? According to your strange disillusionment of what he is supposed to be like?

I loved Missing because it never had that element... until last night when one of the character's wives locked him out of the house because he said he'd be home for dinner at 7pm and didn't show up. She locked him out of the house. Now you may not realize what this would mean, but lets say that one day I decided to throw a hissy fit and be upset that Bill said he'd be home at 7 but didn't show up until midnight, but not through words... by changing the locks while he's at work so when he shuffles home after working for 16+ hours, feet hurting and starving he realizes oh wait I can't get inside.

Then I come to the door and say "oh? are you noticing me NOW!" but still refuse to let him in and say "sleep in your car."
That would be grounds for immediate divorce because it's mean spirited, stupid, immature, whiney and quite frankly by saying "I do" to someone you know is going to work in law enforcement for the duration of your marriage you give up the right to be angry because they don't always show up exactly when they say they will.

I got even more annoyed when they had the character show up at their house a few days later (on a weekday) and she was gardening illustrating that she does not, in fact, have a job. Then she proceeded to whine about how neglected she feels and unhelpful he is.   I would like to interject here that there is nothing wrong with women not working outside of the home, in fact if you can swing it on one salary sometimes it works out better that way.  However, one of my greatest pet peeves is when a woman's sole job is the home and still expects her husband to work an outside job and then come home to contribute 50% of the household and child responsibilities.  That would be like him expecting her to do all of her job and then go to work for him 50% of the time.  Not that he shouldn't help, just that it shouldn't be expected to be even when the home IS her job.  *gets off of soapbox*

Now while I may roll my eyes from time to time while venting to my best friend about the fact that I was sick and the dishes sat in the sink for 5 days until I felt better when it comes down to it I don't really mind the work. The fact of the matter is, I work a job with set hours and am home between 4-6 every day. I can work from home when I need to and it's really no skin off my nose to run errands. Especially when the alternative is only doing my "half" and then informing my exhausted, overworked husband that he can't go to sleep because he needs to complete his "half" of the chores. Then he should go work another double on 2 hours of sleep... because that's safe.

If I were a wife from a crime drama that's apparently exactly what I should do. Or do all of it and then complain** incessantly about the life that I... wait for it... signed up for. Oh, and of course- lock him out with zero warning just to get attention.

**To be more clear when I say complain I don't mean venting here and there, or getting discouraged once in awhile. Trust me, that happens to all of us. I mean complaining to the point of extreme actions/constant whining to your spouse/constant complaining to every one around you/unhappiness to the point where it fully affects your life.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Ten on Tuesday, Vol. 20

1. What is your favorite piece of furniture in your house?

The basement couch. When we moved in to our current home, we refused to move the broken, old, debilitated couch that we had one more time so that went into the dumpster. Instead we got new ones, one for the living room (it's red) and one for the basement guy den (tan). I actually like the couch in the basement so much more then the one upstairs- its a huge sectional with plenty of room for two people to lie on at the same time, but it doesn't fit upstairs.

2. If it was raining so hard on a Saturday that you couldn’t leave your house, what would you spend the day doing?

Probably watching whatever mind numbing marathon was on- Law and Order, America's Next Top Model, whatever Bravo is airing... this past weekend it was a show called Jerseylicious. What is it about Jersey lately?

3. What was your favorite candy as a child?

Pixie Sticks. Candy was completely unallowed in our house (along with all sugary foods) so I hid them in the battery compartment of my boom box. I don't really know if I actually liked Pixie Sticks that much or if they were just the perfect size to fit and the quickest way to injest as much sugar as humanly possible in a short amount of time .

4. Did you get an allowance? What was it based on? What did you do with it?

Ha, no. When I was 15 my mother declared she was no longer even buying me clothes so it was up to me to get a job. Her idea was that an allowance was like paying children to do stuff around the house that they should do anyway. While on one level I agree with that, I think that unless your kid wants really expensive stuff or a car forcing them to work while in high school for bare necessities is adding unnecessary stress to their lives.

A couple that I used to know dealt with their teenagers this way: their primary jobs were to be students. As long as their grades stayed up, their priorities were straight, etc they would give them money (within reason) when they needed it such as going to the movies or things like that. They were also allowed to borrow the family car for approved outings. They could babysit to save up for extras as long as it did not impact their grades. That method makes a lot more sense to me.

5. Do you have a favorite Etsy store?

Not really, I love to look at the stuff on Etsy but I rarely buy anything. I know that homemade is better but Walmart and Target are cheaper. *bad Kim* I AM currently considering buying one or two of these headbands though:

I've been on a constant search for comfortable headbands that stay on. I'm waffling due to the $10 each price tag.

6. Do you prefer time with family or time with friends?

I personally don't have a lot of family- it was just me and my mom so my friends became my family. My husband's family is great though, I'd love to spend more time with them but they live too far away.

7. Looney Tunes, Tiny Toons, or Animaniacs?

Animaniacs with Tiny Toons coming in a close second.

8. Best daytime talk show: Oprah, Ellen, The Doctors, Tyra (ha!), Dr. Oz, or Dr. Phil?

None. The only daytime talk shows I find even mildly entertaining are the ones like "he fathered 5 babies that were born all the same day! and then he says none of them are his!!!!"

9. Would you rather have the power of invisibility or the ability to fly?

Invisibility. I'm nosey.

10. Name 1 thing you love about being an adult.

Being able to eat ice cream whenever I want.
Read more Ten on Tuesday here.

Monday, May 24, 2010

A back ache isn't always just a back ache

This story starts two Wed nights ago when I started having a pain in my lower right abdomen.  It was just a tinge but continued to get progressively worse throughout Thurs.  Thursdays are my really busy work meeting days so I ended up going to urgent care after hours at my local Kaiser Permanente office.  They ran blood work and a urinalysis which came back normal and the doctor barely hid the fact that she clearly thought I was making it all up.  (side note: The lab downstairs had only one employee and was so backed up the doctor was calling every 20 minutes to scream at them for not having test results in yet.)  She said to call for an ultrasound appt, maybe it was a cyst and just to take ibuprofen in the meantime.  When I called the next day for the appt the earliest opening they had was the following Thursday-6 days later.  For someone with a history of burst cysts this seems asinine but what could I do?

On Friday we left for a camping trip, side pain and all (though the side pain wasn't as bad as it had been), Saturday night it randomly got worse for about 20 minutes and then disappeared.  Sunday morning I woke up and felt fine, was doing dishes after breakfast and bam! my lower back felt like it was on fire.  I blamed it on the lower than normal sink and the fact that I had been camping, sleeping in a tent on a small air mattress.  When we got home I had dinner club already planned and I grinned it and bared it through the back pain until curling up in bed with a heating pad on it that night.  The heating pad seemed to help.

Monday morning I woke up feeling fine and the morning was okay but by mid afternoon I could barely move my back hurt so badly.  Walking, sitting, lying down all hurt.  I chalked it up to sitting in an office chair that isn't the most supportive for the back for too long and went home where I promptly attached myself to the couch and heating pad, only moving to the bed with heating pad later.  I called the Kaiser line to tell them of this new symptom and once again, I honestly believe they thought I was making it up.  They said to take ibuprofen and if I wanted to come into Urgent Care again they'd make me an appt.  Here's the problem with urgent care- they have no ultrasound equip so if it's a cyst like they believed there would be literally nothing they could do until my already scheduled appt which I just had to make it to because they could not move it up.  I would not think it was anything else since the doctor told me all my other tests were normal.

Tuesday morning I once again felt better when I woke up but by Tuesday midday I made this tweet:

At this point, the only thing that made me feel at all better was the trusty heating pad.  My husband was starting to think that I had injured a vertebrae but it wasn't just in my back.  The pain was in the original right lower abdomen spot, along my entire lower back and wrapped around my hips.  By the afternoons I was in tears from the pain.  Now many of you might question why I was even at work in the first place, but that's just how I am.  If I have work to do, I'll be there.  If I have meetings, I will be there.  I have been at work in pretty much every stage of various illnesses.  I take off work for two reasons: 1) migraines because they mess with my vision enough that it would be dangerous for me to drive and 2) anything gastrointestinal because being at work during something like that is just uncomfortable.  That's it, and when I do take off I am always working from home.

I get home on Tuesday night, skip the couch and go straight to bed.  The heating pad isn't even helping at this point, the only position at all comfortable is on my back with my knees pulled to my chest... but when I say comfortable I mean on the scale of having needles stuck directly into nerve centers or next to them it was next to them.  The ibuprofen I was taking was no longer even taking the edge of the pain away.  As I went to sleep I tweeted this:

Wed morning, as was the pattern by now, the pain wasn't so bad when I first woke up but then progressively got worse much earlier then in previous days.  I also had a training class Wed morning at work requiring me to sit in a chair and not move for 3 hours.  I am not exaggerating when I say that it was like torture.  When I got back to the office I called the Kaiser line again saying that I know that my ultrasound appt is the next day and I've been trying to wait but I can't anymore.  It's just too much.  The advice nurse actually literally scoffed and said that she could not believe that they hadn't brought me in sooner for the tests.  My doctor was completely booked (she always, always is) but she'd send an emergency note to them to try to get me in ASAP.  I waited, and waited... and waited.  At 4 I called back because I had heard nothing.  Because this is an HMO you don't have the option of just going to the ER unless it's life threatening or your doctor gives the okay so I basically was just like "look, I am in pain.  I cannot even fully describe how I feel right now so either I need an appt right now with any tests you need to run or I need an okay to go to the ER."  I guarantee my doctor's nurse didn't believe me either.  That seems to be the theme of all of this.  I am sure that's partly my fault since to most logical people it would make sense that if I was really in that much pain 1) I would not be calling them from work or 2) I would have already gone to the ER.  However, they underestimate my work ethic and how incredibly cheap I am.  Unless I have a reasonable expectation that they will actually pay for the ER trip I'd probably sit on the side of a road bleeding to death so afraid of the eventual bill.

Finally the advice nurse said the doctor says she can see you tomorrow afternoon or you can go to the ER tonight.  The fact that the earliest they could do was the following afternoon at 3pm shows how incredibly unconcerned they were.  To fully explain why this is ridiculous (and probably a bit of TMI), I have a history of reoccurring UTIs due to a birth defect (my urinary tract is much shorter than normal people's), a hiatal hernia that predisposes me to ulcers and a history of at least one ruptured cyst that sent me via ambulance to the ER.  If for no other reason then those items in my history one would think they may have taken me a tad more seriously.

I get home, go to bed with the heating pad and finally declare that the pain has won, we are going to the ER and hopefully won't get sacked with a massive bill.  Best decision I have ever made since my issue had nothing to do with something you'd find on an ultrasound and the test that shows what was wrong was one they already ran and apparently tested incorrectly.  So what would have happened instead was I'd go in for the ultrasound, which would have been normal (I know this because they also did one at the hospital), go to the doctor where she'd look at all the tests they already ran and maybe give me a pain killer and dismiss me.  Obviously I don't know this for a fact but I've had Kaiser long enough to know what they do.

I had a kidney infection.  Now for those of you who aren't aware you can't get a kidney infection without first getting a UTI/bladder infection and then the infection moves up into your kidneys.  Where it then festers and causes a lot of pain in addition to other symptoms.  On the informational sheet they give you from the hospital about kidney infection the number 1 thing is get prompt treatment for UTIs so it never moves into your kidneys.  But I tried to do that!  I get enough UTI's (see above) that I know the symptoms like the back of my hand and went in back in April with symptoms.  They said I was fine.  I got another urinalysis when I went into urgent care almost exactly a month since I went in in April, once again got an all clear.  Then someone with a history of urinary infection problems is calling you almost daily saying they have defacto flank pain (abdominal pain that streaks to the lower back) and you are so unconcerned that you don't at the very least have them come in for another urinalysis much less make room in your appt book?  Fail.  Massive, massive fail.

They gave me a narcotic pain killer while at the hospital and it didn't even fully take away the pain I was in, if that illustrates it for you any better.  However, after just two doses of antibiotics the pain was gone.  That's it. Thank goodness to the ER doctor who insisted on running a urinalysis again after I told her they had just run one and it was fine less than a week before (which, by the way would be impossible).

Thank you Kaiser for being incredibly incompetent.  Thank you for your insistence to not put me on the same protocol that most with reoccurring UTI's are on, giving them a supply of antibiotics that they can take when they have symptoms to try to prevent this from occurring.  Thank you for making me live with that pain for a week for no reason at all.  I'm sure it just made me stronger in the end, after all it did not kill me.  I also thank you in advance for not attempting to reject the ER charges and send me a bill for thousands of dollars, I guarantee you do not even want to start that game after all we are in America and this is the land of malpractice suits.  Love, Kim.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Ten on Tuesday, Vol. 19

1. If your name was a verb, what would “to Chelsea” mean? (Insert your own name though…)
Probably something really anal retentive like organizing a counter top while waiting in line to checkout at a store. Not that I've ever done that. Or maybe being overly blunt, I also do that a lot since I have an extremely low tolerance for BS.

2. What myth have you always wanted to prove or bust?
Whether or not you could actually get struck by lightening from talking on a cordless phone next to a window. I saw that once in some show about strange, random ways to die and it always seemed somehow wrong.

3. If you had the ability to get a message out to the entire world, what would you say?
Prejudice/intolerance shown to anybody in the name of "God" or "religion" is not okay just because your religious leader condones it. It's still ignorant.

4. I know you’ve answered a similar question before, but it’s been awhile. Please name your current top 10 blogs.
My daily blog reads (aside from Roots and Rings) are:

1. Capitol Hill Style
2. This Fish
3. Girl's Gone Child
4. Dooce
5. The Pioneer Woman
6. Craving the Cupcakes
7. 2 birds, 1 blog  **WARNING: rough language used on this blog, very funny if you are able to ignore that.**
8. Organizing Junkie
9. Baker's Dozen
10. Design Sponge

Thank goodness for Google Reader since this is just a tip of the iceberg on what I read daily!  Specifically I have 54 subscriptions, but not all of them update daily (and one is the crime feed for my county because I enjoy self inflicting mental torture).  I just wish you could comment directly from the reader and that more people posted their entire blog post into it.

5. Do you have a junk drawer?
Sort of.  We have a drawer in our end table next to our couch which is the catch all for old batteries, pens, matches, etc.  We had a real throw anything in there and let it fester drawer in our old apartment- now that space is called "our office."

6. Bottled water or tap?
Tap unless buying a bottle is just more convenient like at an amusement park or if you are running around.

7. As a kid, did you have a favorite Biblical story?
Noah's Ark. I loved animals so it was just the perfect story for my young self.

8. What is your favorite black and white movie?
Miracle on 34th street (original)

9. Aside from your engagement/wedding rings, what is your favorite piece of jewelry that you own? Does it have a story behind it?
I have a ruby necklace that came from the time we lived in Thailand. I'm wearing it in some of my baby pictures, then my high school graduation pictures and it still fits now.

10. What sports/activities do you hope your kids will be involved in? (Answer for both a boy and a girl)
Boy- Football
Girl- if we live near water, crew. Otherwise volleyball.

I'd love to be like anything they want to do is alright but seriously if my boy doesn't like football I'll cry.

Friday, May 14, 2010

7 Quick Takes, Vol. 17

1.  I hate ants.  Unfortunately we live in a duplex built in 1950 that has plenty of nooks and crannies for ants to crawl into so it's a constant battle to keep them out of the cat food dishes.  My latest attempt: moats!

Please ignore my dirty kitchen floor.  The cats create crumbs as fast as I can sweep them up.

2.  I saw this license plate on my way home and as someone who loves cat macros way more than she should I found it hilarious.

3.  When I first started cooking I listened to Bill when he said he hated meat that was frozen and thawed.  I tried to grocery shop accordingly leading to at least 2 trips a week and we would end up paying half of our grocery bill just for the protein products.  I have decided to ignore that lately because it is so much cheaper to wait for a sale on the stuff we eat and then stock up on enough meat to last for a month.  This week I did one of those trips and just look at this receipt!  Keep in mind my final total also included other staples and produce, so we ended up with a month worth of chicken, salmon, pork chops and strip steak for about $60.  We eat meat in pretty much every single dinner, so this is more significant then it may be for people who have husbands who don't mind vegetarian food, or will eat it without then saying they are still hungry.

4.  I'm not sure if you have heard of Shoe Dazzle.  It's a shoe club promoted by Kim Kardashian where you answer a quiz about your style likes and dislikes and every month a group of stylists selects shoes for you.  You get 5 options (and if you don't like those you can select 5 more or pick from a couple generic popular items) and for $39.95 you get a pair of shoes.  Every month.  For those who aren't that huge of shoe fanatics you can opt out that month and pay nothing, either because you don't need a new pair or because you don't like the options.  The thing I generally like about other people picking stuff out for me is that it forces me to look at things I otherwise wouldn't and a lot of times they end out being more flattering then the fuddy duddy stuff I generally gravitate to. (For this reason, if I could afford it I would totally use a personal shopping service)  I guarantee I won't purchase something new every month, or even every few months but it's still fun.  Here's my first pair of shoes:

What do you think?

5.  I've mentioned before that I listen to The Dana Show via podcast and this past week I was listening to an episode that contained what she calls "mailbag of hate."  Normally this is my least favorite segment because she does dramatic readings of her hate letters and a lot of times the voices are really insulting and stereotypical.  However, this week she read a letter by an environmental hippie type that was hil.arious.  Just the wording of the letter is funny:
"Your comments on the oil spill and saying it comes from the earth was so screwed up! You joke that people call you an earth raper but I WILL call you an earth raper for real! You rape earth up the a$@! Paved paradise! God never intended for man to use everything he put on earth, it's like the apple tree and eden! We weren't supposed to eat apples... See More! But we did... and now we are all going to hell. Oil is the forbidden fruit and you are recommitting the sins of Eve by using it. I ride a bicycle! I don't need to use terrorist oil. I put my groceries in the basket on my bicycle and I don't use oil! And I don't clog the streets! Urban?!?!? You can't be urban and drive! Your forbidden fruits caused 9-11! Reap your rewards Earth Raper!!!!"
but the voice she used to read it outloud was even funnier.  I can't even read it without hearing the voice in my head and every time I think about it I start cracking up.  I posted this on my facebook page which led to one person wanting a bumper sticker to put on their car that says "Earth Raper!" and someone else saying that it sounded like a band name.

6.  I believe we are going camping this weekend.  I have mixed feelings about this since I have not camped in a tent since I was about 12.  There are bugs outside and I tend to dislike nature.  In nature's defense, it's due to my allergies and sensitivity to sunlight (I get migraines unless I wear sunglasses any time there is a shred of sun out).  It's also because I like couches, indoor plumbing and tvs.  None of that is nature's fault.

7.  Also on tap for the weekend, Sunday night is our monthly dinner club.  This time I'm hosting it and the theme is Mediterranean so I'm planing to make Chicken Souvlaki with cucumber yogurt sauce.  In my shopping sale extravaganza I realized they had buy 1, get 1 free for party sized hummus so I'm serving that up as well with pita chips.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

My own papparrazzi

When I get ready to go somewhere (especially if there's people I've never met before there) I have a bad habit of taking a picture of my outfit to see what it actually looks like on.

I started doing this because of times that I looked in the mirror, thought I looked fine and then pics popped up later of the event and my outfit was terrible. Awful. This is an attempt to stop these unhappy surprises... however, all it serves to do is make me neurotic.

I'm not photogenic. I ALWAYS look worse in pictures then I do in real life so much so that more than a few people have met me and immediately said "wow you don't look like your pictures at all." Most of the time they will expand on that and say later (when they are more comfortable) that they thought I was fatter, uglier, taller, completely different facial features, etc. I only mention this to put all this in perspective for you... I check to see if my outfit looks alright by relying on a method that rarely ever works out in my favor. Follow that logic.

I blame Facebook.

If so many pictures didn't exist of me wearing terrible outfits in the (sort of) public domain I wouldn't care so much. I can honestly say that pre-facebook Kim would laugh at post-facebook Kim taking pictures and changing outfits 2000 times before leaving the house. She'd tell her that Kim is being a neurotic nincompoop and then Kim would say now I understand why so many celebrities are anorexic or addicted to plastic surgery.

I cannot even imagine what it would be like to have a bad outfit, fat day, or bad hair day displayed on every newsstand, grocery store aisle and website. Ugh.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Ten on Tuesday, Vol. 18

1. What was your high school superlative (if you didn’t have one- what would it have been)?

I went to a school with 2000 students (for only 3 grades). I believe we may have had superlatives but I guarantee I had never even heard of half of the people on the list much less ever met them.

I'd say I'd be best invisibility. People knew who I was, sure, but I was in several very different groups and blended pretty seamlessly in all of them. Mostly because I called so little attention to myself people sometimes didn't even realize I was there, it's like the prison method of surviving high school.

2. What sports did you play in high school?

My main sport was crew (rowing). I did track and swim team solely to stay in shape in the off season not because I was at all good at either.

3. What was the best part about your wedding (if you’re not married yet, what are you looking forward to)?

The food. Our food was really good (and at least 3 times cheaper than every other place we looked at which probably made it taste even better).

4. It’s your last meal– what Appetizer, Soup, Salad, Entree and Dessert would you choose?

Shrimp cocktail (spicy cocktail sauce please!), French Onion, a spinach salad with a basic vinaigrette and tomatoes, Fillet Mignon with horseradish sauce, that gooey campfire dessert that had bananas stuffed with chocolate and marshmallows wrapped in foil and buried in the embers of the campfire.

I'm hoping I don't get a last minute reprieve because the indigestion this meal would cause is off the charts.

5. What song is your guilty pleasure?

See You Again- Miley Cyrus

6. What is your favorite professional sports team, and why do you like them?

Chicago Bears. I love football, more specifically I love great defensive lines. If you think defense, you think da bears.

I would seriously inseminate myself with Urlacher's sperm purely in an attempt to create a son who could play defensive football like he does.

TMI? I apologize ;-)

7. What is your favorite reality show and why do you like it?

Top Chef Masters. You get the great challenges and quick fires but most of the chefs competing are so humble, gracias and respectful of all the other talent in the room that it's just pure enjoyment to watch.

8. How would you classify your home decorating style (modern, classic, french country)?

I like basic, comfortable, and stain resistant decor. Nothing breakable and very little clutter.  Would that be classic? 

9. Pizza- deep dish or thin crust? White sauce or red sauce? What toppings?

I'm not a huge fan of pizza but if I eat it, it's whatever the normal crust is that Papa John's delivers, red sauce and for toppings- onions, sausage, mushrooms and extra cheese.

10. Favorite weekend getaway within a two hour driving radius?

Annapolis, MD.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Growing Pains

Lately there has been a tense feeling of discord in our house. This is unusual for us because we don't fight. I know a lot of couples claim this and then one day you are at their house for dinner and they start screaming at each other about some issue while you awkwardly sit there and then they go "oh that? wasn't a fight, that's how we talk." We actually don't fight. This is actually pretty much a trend for relationships I have.... don't fight at all until the end and then bam! it's over in an explosion of smoke.

For awhile I was concerned that it meant that I was one of those passive aggressive people I claim to hate and just hold everything in or even worse, a doormat. It took quite a bit of introspection for me to realize that actually I don't really fight with anyone. It's not that I don't have an opinion, it's not that I don't state those opinions- I do. It's that I just say here's my opinion, they give theres and we come to some conclusion or agree to disagree, all in a very calm normal voice level manner. No yelling, name calling nor bad feelings involved. This works until it's over something I cannot agree to disagree on most of which are dealbreakers; such as alcoholism and crazy stalkerisms or a few lesser not neccessarily dealbreakers such as things that bug me and just won't go away no matter how many times I calmly mention it.  Honestly, I think I got out all my fight desires as an adolescent who threw plates while screaming at her mother. Hey! It's hormones! I couldn't help it! Plus, have you MET my mother? ;-)

I regress, so this fighting thing... it's new to me. I don't even think Bill had any clue how to deal with truly pissed off Kim since he had never really seen it (at least not directed at him), but what it all boiled down to was growing pains.

I feel like we don't do enough stuff together so I blame him and his video games, he thinks I'm just as at fault due to my ridiculous Bravo habit. Here's the thing- when we started dating, he worked midnights. I worked days. We saw each other for a few hours a day, if that. This continued for essentially our entire dating relationship. When that occurs one becomes very capable of entertaining themselves 90% of the time and aren't used to making room for someone else in their routines. Then he switched to days but still works so much overtime that there still are times I only see him (awake) for an hour or so a day. When we have stretches of time where we do have more time together; weekends, time off, less overtime, etc. we don't quite know what to do so we default to you live your life, I live mine. Leaving us much like those circles that only slightly overlap but otherwise exist independently.

I was fed up, and even more than that- I was lonely.

In the end, it's actually kind of fun having to relearn someone in a small way in order to find stuff you both like to do. Adds an element of mystery to someone that you thought you knew quite well and shakes old routines up. We're too young to be stuck in a rut anyway.