Friday, April 30, 2010

7 Quick Takes, Vol. Cat Lady

1. I take my younger cat (Lea) to Petco to get groomed and usually they do a pretty good job. This time however, there are areas that are shaved unevenly and as of this morning I found the 3rd scab on her back. Meaning they cut her in 3 different places. Oh, and I never got her collar back. Petco, you fail.

2. I received a call yesterday from our vet who said "we got a call about needing test subjects for a type of animal prozac that you administer by rubbing it on their ear instead of giving them pills. They need animals whose behavior issues are extreme enough that it's obvious when it works or not... I thought of Lizzy."

The above statement is the best summarization of my older cat I've ever heard.

3. Lizzy is a wickedly smart cat with a very strong attachment disorder to me and very extreme food anxiety. Notice the use of two verys. It's warranted. She was on prozac but she figured out when we'd give it to her and would start disappearing. Then I switched the time and she switched the time of her disappearing act. So then I started moving around the times and she would recognize the bottle. So I put the pills into another container and then she recognized that one. This is also the cat who will not play with cat toys for any longer than 2 minutes (in other words, for as long as it takes her to figure it out). Laser pointer? Not fun, you are holding it in your hand. Ball that moves around the tube? Not fun, I'll never be able to pull it out but if I stick one paw here and another there it can't move anymore. Hand in paper bag... yeah I found your hand and bit you to make a point. Do I look like a moron to you?

4. Needless to say, she gets bored a lot and there is nothing we can do about it. So she screams. At windows, at people, at walls, at corners. And misbehaves. She knows she does things she's not supposed to because she looks at you while doing it and sometimes... she winks. I'm not joking. Once when she was a kitten she decided to claw the couch and then pee on my mom's shoe and then climb using her claws up the window screen and when she got to the top (all of this took about 5 minutes flat) she looked over and winked. If there was one thing to make me believe in reincarnation it would be this cat.

5. She was found in a dumpster as a kitten with her litter and if there was anything to drive home the point that anything you do to animals or babies no matter what age makes a difference it will be this. I adopted her from a rescue group at 8 weeks (she's now 10 years old), since that point she has always had food (I'm sure she had plenty at the rescue group too). Plenty of food. Cat food, treats, human food, she was spoiled rotten. When we would stay with my mom she would actually give her little mini plates of our dinner in addition to her cat food. She has never once gone hungry. However, I swear she remembers her dumpster days because she starts howling for every meal an hour before she receives it. She seems to honestly think that if she doesn't beg, remind, act starving she'll never eat again and die a long painful death from starvation. The overdramatics of the whole thing would make me laugh if not for the fact that her loud, ear piercing howling makes me want to cut off my ears with a dull, rusty knife. This happens twice a day.

6. The last thing you should know about her is that she loves me. So much. I am her selected human and anyone around knows it. She puts up with others, sometimes, but if we were the last two creatures living on earth she would probably be her happiest. When I was single she'd sit on the couch between me and any guy that might be over and if they reached in my direction she'd bite. She slept taking up half of my bed (sleeping with her head on the pillow like a human completely stretched out). You can imagine how well my getting married went over. The looks she gives Bill run from disdainful to outright hatred. I think if she knew how she would probably poison his food just to make him go away. To illustrate this point further I offer three stories:

- To help me out he'd try to feed the cats in the morning so I could sleep and she wouldn't touch the food. If he put it in the dish she would not eat it until I came downstairs, picked it up, mixed it up with a spoon and put it back on the floor. If you think we can ignore her please look at point 5. It's impossible to sleep through the howling and clawing and paw sticking up my noseing.

- He works late a lot and while I'm home by myself she ignores me. For the most part she's just wandering around doing whatever it is cats do. The minute she hears keys or the door though? She is velcroed to my lap. It's like she's staking out her territory to make sure it isn't stolen while she isn't paying attention.

- If I try to sleep at night facing him instead of facing her side of the bed, she pokes my back incessantly. If I do not respond she scratches my back. If still nothing she sits up and sticks her paw in my ear. If I somehow lasted through all of this she starts headbutting me until I turn over.

She also sits in the bathroom with me, sits on my lap when I am at a desk, sits at my feet or next to the sink while I do the dishes, follows me up and down from the laundry room while I do laundry, lies on the kitchen mat while I cook, sits on top of me while I watch tv, etc. She's a literal shadow. And she hates it when I leave. The first time I left her with a pet sitter she didn't eat for the first 3 days. All she did was sit next to the front door waiting for me to come back.

7. You mentioned Prozac I can rub on her ears? Sign me up! :-P

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Ashley said...

Aww, cats are too funny! At least she's cute, right?

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